


For Better or For Worse

by impalagirl, wilddragonflying



Series: Roleplays [16]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Birth, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Infertility, Kid Fic, Knotting, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mommy!Jensen, Mpreg, Parenthood, alpha!Jared, omega!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalagirl/pseuds/impalagirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilddragonflying/pseuds/wilddragonflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alpha Jared Padalecki and Omega Jensen Ackles have been married five years without children. Now, they've finally decided to try for children, except Jensen's body refuses to cooperate; he's been diagnosed with Premature Heat Shutoff Syndrome(PHSS), and is unlikely to ever have another Heat. Jared and Jensen promised each other that they would be there for each other, for better or for worse. Now they just need to live up to that promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Better or For Worse

**Author's Note:**

> So, impalagirl & I basically came up with our own set of rules to this A/B/O verse, and not all of it is fully explained in the fic, so here's a few pointers:
> 
> -Omestron: The hormone Omegas have that controls the regularity/intensity of Heats  
> -Omegas are always male, and are fairly uncommon. They can only bond to an Alpha/get pregnant by an Alpha, and their main purpose/drive in life is to have children. They are the only males able to carry children.  
> -There can be any combination of pairings, though some work better than others. Alpha-Omega is rare, but the most compatible; Beta-Alpha pairings are fairly common, and Alpha-Alpha is the rarest(no Alpha-Alpha pairings are in this fic)  
> -Alphas are mostly male, but there are female Alphas; in this fic, Sophia is a female Alpha. This is why Chad makes a big deal of them having a child; it's rare for a female Alpha to get pregnant from a Beta without serious medical help, because a Beta's sperm isn't always strong enough to take in an Alpha womb.  
> -Premature Heat Shutoff Syndrome: Also known as PHSS, this is what Jensen is diagnosed with in the fic. It's similar to Premature Ovarian Failure, in that it is rare for the afflicted to get pregnant(my mother has it, her ovaries almost shut down after she had me, and yet five years later, she had my little brother. It was a big deal; her doctor was ecstatic about the chance to study pregnancy after supposed ovarian failure.), but it is still possible for the Omega to experience a full Heat. Rare, but possible.  
> -There is a standard courting period of one year, during which the carrying party must take suppressants or the equivalent form of birth control in order to avoid becoming pregnant in the case that they do not getting married after the courting period.
> 
> I think that's everything; if we missed explaining something in the fic, leave a comment, and we'll fix it. :)

"I'm sorry, you want to what?" Jensen Padalecki gaped at his husband of five years like he didn't have a clue who he was. It was an accurate assessment, more or less. Ever since they'd started dating, Jared had insisted that he didn't want kids, and yet here he was, sitting Jensen down after cooking him a fancy meal and announcing that he thought they should have a baby. It seemed reasonable, therefore, that Jensen should be confused. "Are you _high_?"

Jared sighed; he knew this was out of the blue, and he probably shouldn't have just sprung it on Jensen like he had, but he hadn't been able to wait. "I know, I know, I'm the one who said we should wait—But that was because I didn't think we were in a good position to have a baby. But we've been together for seven years, married for five, and our jobs are going really well. I just... I feel like it's time now." He worried his lower lip. "But if you don't..."

Jensen shook his head, smiling. "Jared, I've been ready to have a baby since we got married," he said simply, before frowning. "But, we're financially stable _now_. If I get pregnant, I'm gonna have to quit my job. Have you thought about that?"

Jared grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. That's another reason I wanted to talk about it now—I got the promotion."

"You got it?" Jensen asked, leaping across the sofa to wrap his arms around Jared. "Oh my God, that's amazing! So you're sure? You want us to have a baby?"

Jared laughed in relief, pulling Jensen in close. "Yes, yes, I'm sure," he grinned, pulling back and framing Jensen's face in his hands. "I want us to have a baby."

Jensen melted into the touch and leaned in to kiss Jared, soft and sweet. "I love you," he murmured. "I'll go to the doctor tomorrow and see about being taken off my suppressants." He grinned, excitement dancing in his eyes. "This time next week we could be in the middle of a heat."

Jared smiled back, loving seeing Jensen this excited. "That would be amazing," he grinned.

As amazing as it may or may not have been, the same time a week later saw them sitting right back on their sofa, looking at each other with expressions of confusion and concern. "I don't understand," Jensen said at last. "The doctor said it normally takes a few days, but because I was on the suppressants for so long it might take a couple days longer." This was information he had already given Jared, but the reiteration was to emphasize the main issue: "I definitely should have gone into heat by now."

Jared nodded, still frowning heavily. "It really doesn't make sense. We might need to give it a few more days?" he suggested. "If you don't go in heat, we'll just have to go back."

Jensen reached out to take Jared's hand and give it a squeeze. "It's gonna be okay, right?"

Jared nodded, squeezing Jensen's hand. "Yeah, it will be."

As it turned out, Mother Nature relieved their worries the very next day. It was years since Jensen had been in heat, but the fever, the itch beneath his skin and the dampness between his legs, while not as strong as he remembered, were still unmistakable. Smiling, Jensen rolled over in bed and kissed Jared awake. "You'd better call work," he murmured when his husband finally opened his eyes, already squirming a little. "It's starting."

Jared blinked blearily, until Jensen's words—and scent—sank in. "Yeah, okay," he breathed, smiling brightly. He fumbled around on the nightstand for his phone, calling work.

"Hey, Sam, I'm gonna have to take my Heat leave. Yeah, I know, been a while, and I just got the promotion... Uh huh... Well, he can suck it up and deal, my husband's in Heat, and I'm going to take care of him... Thanks, Sam. Bye." Jared tossed the phone onto the nightstand before rolling over so he was hovering over Jensen. "Now, about your Heat..."

Jensen moaned, wrapping his legs around Jared's waist and rolling his hips. "I really think you should fuck me now," he told Jared, already slightly breathless, although more with excitement than need. "It's only gonna get stronger."

Jared smiled, leaning down to kiss Jensen. "I think I can handle that," he teased, rolling his hips down to grind their cocks together, moving to nip at a tendon in Jensen's neck.

Jensen, who really should be mindless with need by now, just whined and bared his throat like a good little Omega. "C'mon Jare," he groaned. "We're on a mission, here. I don't want my husband; I want my Alpha."

Jared growled, grabbing Jensen's wrists and pinning them above his head. "This better?" he hissed, sliding in between Jensen's legs and situating himself. "Want me to just take what's mine?"

"Yes," Jensen gasped feeling a spike of heat in his gut that had nothing to do with his actual Heat. Crazed by hormones or not, Jensen has always loved it when Jared let his Alpha out to play. "Fuck me, please."

Jared smirked. "Such a good little Omega," he praised, using one hand to keep his cock straight as he started to slide into Jensen. It felt slightly weird, but Jared chalked that up to never having felt Jensen's natural lubricant before.

If it felt weird to Jared, it felt positively alien to Jensen. He'd never had an Alpha help him through a Heat before, but he'd used enough dildos in his lifetime to know that it shouldn't feel like this, like Jared was taking him dry. "Jay, no, stop," Jensen panted desperately, struggling against Jared’s hold. " _Stop_!"

As soon as he felt Jensen struggling, Jared froze. "What is it?" he asked, beating back the haze of _mate, mine, mate_ clouding his mind. "What's wrong?"

"It hurts," Jensen hissed through gritted teeth, and it was the understatement of the century. The head of Jared's cock was barely inside of him and yet it felt like he was being ripped open. "God, Jay, pull out, please, m'not wet enough."

"Okay, okay," Jared soothed, releasing Jensen's wrists. "Okay, I will." He eased his hips backwards as carefully as he could, but he had a feeling it wouldn't help all that much, if Jensen was in that much pain. Once he was out, he gently ran his fingers through Jensen's hair. "I'm sorry, baby, I should have checked first," he murmured.

"It's okay," Jensen breathed, leaning into Jared's touch and letting it soothe him. The pain was rapidly receding, and the itch of the Heat was becoming more prominent. "I'm okay. Don't worry. We'll just—the lube."

Jared nodded, digging through the nightstand drawer until his fingers closed around the bottle of lube they kept there. He poured a good amount onto his fingers, setting the bottle back before moving his hand between their bodies to spread the excess around Jensen's hole, experimentally slipping one finger in. "Okay?"

Jensen nodded, shivering with arousal. "Okay," he promised. "More."

Jared carefully worked his finger in Jensen, making sure he was stretched before adding a second, and then a third finger, crooking them to rub over his husband's prostate. "Almost ready," he murmured. He'd have to stretch Jensen even more for his knot.

Jensen moaned and thrashed beneath Jared, more than ready to be fucked into next week. His arousal had helped him to produce some slick, perhaps just a little more than was usual when he wasn't in Heat but still nowhere near enough to let Jared take him without preparation. Similarly, the Heat had yet to really roar to life within him, but Jensen thought that it might kick in with its usual gusto once he'd been knotted for the first time.  

Jared soon had Jensen open enough to take his knot, and he pressed the head of his cock against Jensen's hole, reaching up to twine his fingers with his husband's. "Ready?" he murmured.

"Fuck, Jared, yes," Jensen groaned, rocking his hips down against Jared. "Come on, fuck me."

Jared smirked, thrusting forward steadily, filling Jensen up. "Fuck, baby, so good," he murmured, nibbling along Jensen's jaw and neck.

"Alpha," Jensen gasped, baring his throat for Jared once more. Now that Jared was inside of him, the Heat seemed to be sitting up and taking notice, making him ache for a knot. "Please, Alpha."

Jared had been able to control himself while prepping Jensen, but now that he was inside the Omega, there was no holding back. He clasped Jensen's hands in his, biting down on the junction of Jensen's neck and shoulder as he let his Alpha side take over, thrusting freely and fucking Jensen into the mattress.

Jensen went with it, letting Jared do whatever the fuck he wanted to him and loving every second of it, needy moans of "fuck" and "yes" and "more" leaving his lips without him even hearing them. He was still nowhere near as riled up as he should have been, but he came hard when Jared's knot finally breached him, so he definitely wasn't complaining. Everything seemed to slow down after that. Jared couldn't thrust anymore, and Jensen's Heat, as weak as it seemed to be, eased off some, leaving them both panting into each other's mouths, flushed with exertion. Once he could control his own body again, Jensen arched beneath Jared, his hands still pinned above his head, and kissed him. "Love you."

Jensen's orgasm set off Jared's own, and he smiled into the kiss. "Love you, too," he murmured, shifting them around so that they would both be comfortable while they waited for Jared's knot to recede. "Christ, wouldn't have made us wait so long if I'd known that fucking you during a Heat would be like this," he murmured, chuckling softly.

Jensen hummed and shifted slightly, gasping at the pressure of Jared's knot inside him. "This isn't even the half of it," he said around a yawn. "It should get a lot stronger. And hopefully I'll be wet enough for you to take me without prep by round two."

Jared smiled at the thought. "Can't wait," he murmured, wrapping his husband in his arms.

Things did not progress as Jensen had predicted. His sex drive was higher than usual, leading to multiple intense and pleasurable knottings over the next few days, but it was nothing compared to what he remembered from earlier years. Jensen had even been able to get out of bed and fix them some lunch each day, whereas in his youth a Heat had left him bedridden from the word 'go'. But maybe this was just what adult Heats were like. Maybe they got weaker and easier to handle with age. Jensen wasn't going to complain about that, although he did wish that he'd gotten to share at least one of his powerful Heats with Jared.

The morning after the Heat finally subsided, Jensen woke with a smile on his face. He rolled over to find that Jared was already awake and watching him, his expression unreadable. Jensen snuggled in close and stole a kiss, morning breath be damned. "Well?" he asked excitedly. "Do I smell different? Are we going to be parents?"

Jared kissed Jensen back, but he couldn't help feeling a bit put out. "No," he mumbled, tucking his nose into the crook of Jensen's neck. "No, babe, I'm sorry." He could feel tears pricking his eyes, but he refused to let them fall; this was just their first try, after all.

Jensen felt all of the excitement leave him on a wave of disappointment, but he was careful not to react beyond tensing up. "Oh," he breathed, sliding his fingers into Jared's hair. "Well, that's okay. There might still be some suppressants in my system." He could sense Jared's distress, and started to lightly massage his scalp, the touch just as comforting for him as it was for his Alpha. "Next month. Next month, it'll take."

***

It didn't, and that was when Jared decided they needed to see a specialist. He'd talked to the doctor about setting up the appointment, and the doctor had told him some times that were good for him; now Jared just had to make sure Jensen was on board with the plan. The Alpha waited until after dinner to talk to Jensen.

"Hey, babe, can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked, sitting down next to Jensen on the couch, manhandling Harley out of the way. The dog huffed, aggrieved, and flopped down on Jared's foot.

Jensen had been quietly freaking out for some time now, sure that something was wrong. It was very unusual for a Heat to prove infertile; that was what they were for, after all. This request to talk, therefore, was not unexpected. "Yeah, sure," he murmured, peering at Jared with some trepidation. "What's up?"

Jared took a deep breath. "I talked to a doctor, and he wants to talk to both of us. He's a specialist in Heats, and he said he's got a couple of different theories," he explained. "I think we should; we should get a professional opinion."

It didn't escaped Jensen's notice that this doctor specialized in Heats, and by extension Omegas; apparently Jared's fertility wasn't in question. He bit his lip. "We haven't been trying for long," he pointed out, although it was a weak argument. "Do you really think a specialist is necessary?"

Jared nodded. "If this doesn't pan out, we'll go see a fertility specialist," he promised. "The doctor did say it's possible your body's just taking longer than normal to flush out the suppressants; he said it's not uncommon for Omegas who have been on suppressants for longer than three years."

"But it might not be that," Jensen concluded, his heart sinking. "There might be something wrong with me."

Jared took both of Jensen's hands in his. "We don't know that, Jen," he said firmly. "We don't know anything except that your heats have been weak, and you've been on suppressants for over six years. And hey," he added, reaching out to cup Jensen's chin, "I love you, you know that. We'll get through this."

Jensen nodded, shuffling along the couch to press himself into Jared's arms. "Okay," he whispered. "I love you, too."

***

Their appointment was for Friday at 2PM, and the night before, Jensen and Jared went out for their usual night out with Chad, Sophia, Chris, and Misha. Chris had bought first round, but this one was on Chad. He came back with beers for everyone, except Jensen. "Not allowed to have any alcohol, Mommy," he said teasingly.

Jensen froze, staring at Chad. Beside him, Chris dropped his face into one had and used the other to push his beer over to Jensen, who picked it up and took a long drink. He was shaking when he put the bottle back down, and met Chad's confused expression with defiant eyes.

Jared glared at Chad. "Hasn't happened yet," he said coldly, because really. Chad was an ass, but Jared seriously hadn't thought he was _this_ much of an ass.

"But I thought—" Chad started, confused, but then subsided when Sophia smacked him in the shoulder, hissing at him to shut up.

"You thought wrong," Jensen told him defensively, and he was grateful when Chris put a hand on his shoulder. "We're trying, but..." He sighed. "We're seeing a doctor tomorrow. Okay?"

Chad nodded, looking properly contrite. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. Jared slid an arm around his husband's shoulders, nuzzling into him comfortingly.

Jensen leaned into the embrace with a sigh, smiling softly at Chris when he withdrew his hand to maintain a respectful distance. Chris was a Beta, but unlike Chad he understood the subtleties of an Omega's relationship with his Alpha. In a further display of his gratitude, Jensen pushed the beer back towards him.

"You sure?" Chris asked.

Jensen nodded. "Drinking isn't going to help me get pregnant." He was starting to think that nothing would.

***

"There are a few possible reasons as to why your Heat is weaker than what you are used to," Dr. Welling started. "First, there is still the possibility of  suppressants in your system. According to these records, you've been on suppressants for six and a half years. By this point, your body has become so used to the drugs that now that you've quit, that it is essentially going through withdrawal. It's not a common reaction, but it's not unheard of." The doctor flipped through the papers on his clipboard. He looked up at the Padaleckis, his eyes soft with sympathy. "That is the easier route; you wait it out, and the Heats will become stronger and you will get pregnant. The second most likely option is primary Heat insufficiency, sometimes known as PHSS, or Premature Heat Shutoff Syndrome."

Jared froze. Premature Heat Shutoff Syndrome was rare, almost unheard of. "That's actually a possibility?" he asked, holding Jensen's hand.

Dr. Welling nodded. "Unfortunately, yes. Jensen's omestron levels are low, borderline indicative of PHSS. I can't tell you for certain at this time, but I want you two to be prepared, just in case."

"When can you tell us?" Jensen asked, squeezing Jared's hand. "Is there a test you can do? Or do we just have to wait?" He didn't think he could handle that, going through Heat after Heat and getting his hopes up every time, just to be disappointed.

"If your omestron levels continue to drop, or the rate of decrease increases dramatically, then I could know for certain." The doctor was quiet for a moment, studying the papers in his hands. "If you want, though, I can give you the odds."

Jensen turned to Jared, searching his face, and although he looked scared Jensen could see the answer there. It matched his own. "Okay. Tell us the odds," he requested.

Dr. Welling sighed. "Judging from how low your omestron is, along with a few other factors, I would say it's 25-75 in favor of PHSS. I'll need to see you in a month or two to run some more tests in order to be sure, but right now... Symptoms like what you've experienced—greater coherency and cognitive functions during a heat, not producing enough natural lubrication—are common precursors to a PHSS diagnosis."

Jared sucked in a breath, looking at Jensen briefly before turning back to Dr. Welling almost desperately. "And there's no chance that this can be pinned on me? That there's something wrong with me?"

"There is still a possibility," Dr. Welling admitted. "However, I haven't tested you, and unless Jensen's Heats return to normal strength, I won't have to. Alphas are very, _very_ rarely infertile."

Jared had never hated being an Alpha more than he did in that moment.

Jensen's jaw trembled, and he had to blink furiously to keep his vision clear, but he didn't lose control. Nothing was certain yet; the doctor could be wrong. "Thank you," he murmured, letting out a shaky breath as he got to his feet. "We'll make another appointment for a couple of months. Come on, Jared."

Jared nodded his thanks at the doctor, who nodded back sadly. It was never fun telling couples that they wouldn't be able to have children, but it was even less fun hearing it.

Jared hustled them through the doors as fast as possible, and once they got to the car, it was silent. Jared didn't start the engine immediately, trying to absorb the news. "I'm sorry, babe," he murmured.

"Don't be sorry," Jensen whispered back. He was staring straight ahead, but he couldn't see a thing. "This isn't your fault."

"Jen," Jared started, but then he stopped. Really, what could he say? He just started the car.

Jensen pretended to sleep on the way home to avoid any more attempts to talk about it, but he could feel Jared's concerned gaze on him every time they pulled up at a stoplight. By the time they got back to the house, he'd made a decision; no way was he being treated like glass for the next few months. "What the doctor said doesn't mean anything," he began stubbornly once they were inside, shrugging his coat off and hanging it up by the door. "We don't know for sure that it's PHSS. It could just be the suppressants. So we're going to keep trying, okay?"

Jared nodded, reaching out and tugging Jensen close. "Yeah. We will. We won't stop trying," he promised, nuzzling into Jensen's neck.

Jensen melted into Jared, his eyes tight shut as he nosed at the warm spot just behind the Alpha's ear where his scent was the strongest, the most comforting. His next Heat was soon, and they would do everything they could to ensure that he got pregnant, whether that meant Jensen lying with his hips in the air for an hour after being knotted or Jared fucking him while he was upside down. He was sure methods like that were used by Betas, who had a lot more difficulty conceiving than Omegas were supposed to. They'd just have to Google it.

For all of the eventualities that Jensen tried to prepare himself for as he got ready for his next Heat, it never occurred to him that his Heat just wouldn't come.

***

"I'm sorry."

Jared could feel the Alpha side of his personality roaring in disbelief, anger, but he kept it under control, staring at Dr. Welling. "So there's nothing we can do," he said, emotionless.

"I'm afraid so," Dr. Welling said apologetically. He looked it, too, but that was a cold comfort. "Jensen's omestron levels have plummeted. Not to the point of no return, but it is incredibly unlikely that you will ever experience another full Heat. You may have slight Heats, with minimal lubrication, but few Omegas experience even that much."

This time Jensen had absolutely no hope in hell of maintaining his composure. He let out a low, wounded sound and just folded in on himself, his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

Jared took Jensen in his arms as Dr. Welling got out of the room, murmuring something about privacy. Jared waited for the door to shut before he let his own tears fall. "Jen," he murmured, unable to say much else. "Oh, baby."

Jensen sagged in Jared's arms, unable even to hold onto him, and cried harder. How could he have let Jared down like this? How could his _own body_ have betrayed him like this? "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so sorry, Jay."

"Hey, hey, shush," Jared murmured, running his fingers through his husband's hair. "Hey, we didn't know; it's not your fault. It is _not_ your fault, Jen." He pressed a kiss to Jensen's temple. "It's not your fault."

It was Jensen's fault. He may not have done anything to make this happen, but his pining over the years had worn away Jared's resolve to not have children until he'd started wanting them too, and now it was impossible. They couldn't get pregnant. _Jensen_ couldn't get pregnant. But he didn't say any of this; he couldn't. Instead he clung to his Alpha and cried for the baby they'd never have.

***

"I'm worried about him, Misha." Jared glanced down the hall to their bedroom door, which was firmly shut. Since the second visit to Dr. Welling, Jensen had only left the bed to use the bathroom; Jared had been feeding him in bed. "He's barely moved for a week."

Misha sighed, following Jared's gaze to the door Jensen was behind. "I can't say I blame him, Jared," he said slowly. As a fellow Omega, Misha could definitely sympathies. "If I found out I couldn't get pregnant, I don't know what I'd do. That's what Omegas are for. It's kind of like taking away his identity."

Jared had to swallow around the pain in his chest. Misha had several kids, and he and Sebastian always seemed so happy—"I shouldn't have made us wait," he whispered, rubbing his hand over his eyes. "I'm the reason we don't have kids yet. Fuck."

"What?" Misha leaned forward, his hand on Jared's knee. "No, Jared, that's not what I meant," he insisted. "Plenty of Alphas don't want kids, and Jensen knew what he was getting into when he married you. Besides, just because you're only finding out about his condition now doesn't mean it's new. The suppressants could've been masking it for years."

"He still wouldn't have been on suppressants in the first place if it wasn't for me," Jared insisted. Christ, he and Jen could've had at least one or two children in the seven years they'd been together, if he hadn't been so adamant about not wanting to have them until he felt ready. Jensen had never seriously suggested it—but what if he hadn't felt comfortable enough to come to Jared, to really try to talk about it? "Jesus, Jen used to tell me he wanted kids more than anything—but I always told him later, when we had a house instead of that shitty apartment, then when we had jobs, then when we'd paid off the mortgage, and... Christ, I kept coming up with all sorts of excuses," Jared mumbled, anguished.

"Will you stop?" Misha demanded. "It isn't your fault. Jensen had to go on suppressants when you started dating, and even if he'd stopped taking them as soon as you got married, there's absolutely no saying that this wouldn't have happened then. You can't blame yourself."

Jared stared helplessly at the closed bedroom door. "I just—I need _something_ to blame. I know, logically that it's not my fault, it's just something that happened to us, but emotionally, I need something to focus on." He worried his lower lip. "I wish there was something we could do. I hate seeing him like this."

Misha sighed. He couldn't agree with Jared, but he could see that he wasn't going to get through to him. "Go be with him," he suggested softly. "I know he might say otherwise, but as an Omega, trust me when I say that he needs his Alpha right now. Probably more than he's ever needed you before."

Jared nodded, offering Misha a grateful smile. "Yeah. Thanks."

He waited until Misha had left before going down the hall to their bedroom door, knocking softly before pushing the door open. "Jen? Sweetheart, you awake?"

"Yeah," Jensen answered, voice rough with disuse. He was pretty much always awake lately; when he slept, he dreamed of swollen bellies and labor cramps and the cries of a newborn baby.

Jared moved toward the bed, sliding under the covers with his husband. "We'll get through this," he murmured, laying his hand on Jensen's arm and rubbing softly.

Jensen huffed out a breath, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes. "Will we?" he asked pitifully. "How?"

Jared pulled Jensen closer, tucking him in against his chest. "I don't know," Jared admitted softly. "But we will. We're both stubborn as hell, and we'll find a way."

Jensen snuggled into Jared, scenting him for the simple comfort it offered. "I really wanted to be a mom," he murmured brokenly, and while it wasn't a secret by any means, it felt more taboo to say it now than it ever had back when Jared would tell him that he'd have to wait. Even then, it had still been an option. 

Jared had to swallow back tears. "I know, honey. I know." He stroked Jensen's back in  long, soothing swipes up and down for several moments before he spoke again. "There is adoption," he murmured. It likely wouldn't help with Jensen's obvious desire to carry his own child, but it was always an option.

The thought alone made Jensen's stomach churn. He hadn't yet come to terms with the fact that he would never give birth to his own baby; he couldn't even contemplate loving and caring for someone else's just now. "I don't want to think about that, Jared, not yet," he muttered. "I need time."

Jared nodded. "Yeah, okay." He just tucked the covers in more securely around them, forming a cocoon.

***

"Jen? C'mon, you need to get out of bed now; it's been over a week." Jared shook Jensen's shoulder light. "C'mon, I've got breakfast ready downstairs, and Harley and Sadie miss you."

Jensen fought the urge to bury his face in the pillow, and instead sat up, blinking blearily at Jared. "Yeah, okay," he rasped. "I've missed them, too." He got out of bed and stretched, his back popping in a really satisfying way, before reaching for his glasses. "Go on, I'll follow you in a sec."

Jared studied his husband for a moment before nodding. He headed down to the kitchen, dividing the food onto two plates and depositing them on the table before getting food for the dogs. When Jensen came down the stairs, both dogs abandoned their food in favor of bounding towards Jensen, barking happily.

Jensen sank to his knees and hugged both of the huge dogs, pushing his fingers through their fur and accepting their excited, kind of disgusting kisses. "I know, I know," he soothed them. "I missed you guys, too. But Daddy's been keeping you fed, right? Daddy's awesome, too." His voice caught on the first 'Daddy' and he was near tears by the time he finished speaking, causing Sadie to whine and gently butt her head against his arm. It never seemed to matter before, calling the dogs their kids, but now... Jensen sighed and pressed his forehead to the back of Sadie's neck, Harley having already returned his attention to his breakfast. "I'm sorry, girl," he whispered when she whined again.

Jared blinked, turning his attention back to the stove, double-checking that it was off and basically distracting himself until Jensen had collected himself. Jensen had said he needed time—the only way Jared knew to give Jensen time was to give him space, as well. "Hey," he said, smiling at his husband. "Been a while since I've seen you down here," he teased gently.

Jensen stood up and nudged Sadie toward her food as he sat down at the table. "Well, you try having your body's purpose taken away from you and see if you feel like getting out of bed," he said with a sigh, shooting Jared a sharp look.

Jared winced. "Right, yeah, sorry," he mumbled, sitting down at the table.

Jensen rolled his eyes. "You don't have to apologies, Jared. I don't expect you to understand."

Jared felt hurt at that. "Jen," he started, but then stopped with a sigh. "You're right; I don't. I'm an Alpha, I don't know what it's like for you." He picked at his food for a moment. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to know. I want to, I want to understand so I can do whatever I can for you, you know?"

Jensen sighed and set down his fork, which he hadn't actually been using. "I don't know how to explain it to you, Jared," he confessed. "I'm an Omega. When I was growing up, I was told that I was special. That I had a gift. My body was designed to have babies; to provide my Alpha, if I was lucky enough to find one, with a family. That's what I'm for. Being told that I can't... I don't even know what the point of me is anymore."

Jared worried his lower lip; what could he say to that? "You're my husband, and a lot of people's friend, Jen," he said quietly. "You can't just give up. I'm not saying you can't have days like this past week, but they can't be all your days, if that makes sense."

"I know that, Jared," Jensen snapped. "I've just needed some time to grieve, okay? And I know that doesn't make sense to you, but my whole life I've been told that the one thing I'm guaranteed to have is children, and now that's been taken away from me and I can't—I can't—" He dropped his head into his hands. "I just don't know how to handle it."

Jared winced. He really needed to learn to keep his foot out of his mouth. He reached across the table and took Jensen's hand, squeezing softly. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I wish there was something I could do."

Jensen shook his head, slowly pulling his hand from Jared's grasp. "There's nothing," he whispered as he picked up his fork. "Let's just eat, okay?"

Jared pulled his hand back, misery swamping him as his husband pulled away from him. "Yeah, okay," he mumbled.

***

It wasn't until another week had passed that Jensen started to get himself together again. He was still unbelievably touchy and there were still nights when he cried himself to sleep, but he was able to function more like a person instead of a zombie, to the point where he decided to make dinner one night after Jared came home from a particularly tiring day at work. He gave Jared a rare smile when he walked into the kitchen, and went back to peeling potatoes with a small knife. "I thought cottage pie?" he suggested. "You only need to be half awake to eat it."

Jared wasn't firing on all cylinders; today had been the Workday From Hell. He figured that was the only reason what he said got through his filter. "Yeah, sure; here, peeler will do that faster," he said absently as he placed the peeler next to Jensen on the counter as he headed to the sink to wash his hands.

Jensen stared at the peeler for a long moment before turning to face Jared, inexplicable irritation burning in his chest. "I'm sorry, you have a problem with the way I peel potatoes now?" he asked curtly. "I've never used a peeler in my life, Jared."

Jared glanced up at his husband, brow furrowed. "I'm... sorry? I just figured it was easier..."

"So I need things to be easier for me," Jensen concluded, glaring at Jared. "Like I haven't cooked for you a million times and managed just fine. What the fuck?"

Jared was openly staring at Jensen now, flabbergasted. "I just figured—I mean, well, there's our usual _Criminal Minds_ on tonight, and I was running late..."

Jensen raised his eyes heavenward. "You know what, Jared? Just get out of the kitchen. I may not be able to fulfill my duty as your Omega but that doesn't mean I've suddenly become a shitty husband. I don't need your help, and I certainly don't need a crutch to help me get through the simplest of tasks."

Jared gaped at Jensen, but when he raised one eyebrow and the knife, the Alpha scarpered. _What the hell?_ he asked himself, bewildered, as he sat down in the living room.

Jensen got the meal ready just in time for _Criminal Minds_ , which meant that they would be eating in front of the TV. He sat on the couch beside Jared with his back to the armrest so that he could balance his plate on his knees and tuck his feet beneath Jared's leg. They ate in silence for the first part of the show, but when it went to break, Jensen opened his mouth. "I'm sorry," he murmured, flexing his toes. "I overreacted. It's been a hard few days."

Jared nodded, offering Jensen a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, I can understand that. Work's been pretty tough these past few days."

Jensen gaped at him. "Did you really just say that?" he demanded.

Jared hesitated. "Um... yes?"

"You're a dick," Jensen snapped. "I don't care what work's been like this week, don't even try to compare it to what I've been dealing with."

"What you've been dealing with?" Jared echoed, looking at Jensen disbelievingly. "Jen, I know the diagnosis was a month ago, but surely you're not still _that_ upset over it?"

Jensen stared at his husband, utterly unable to comprehend what was being said to him. "Of course I'm still upset about it," he hissed viciously. "This sort of thing just doesn't stop hurting after a _month_. But it's more than that. It's Heat week, Jared. We should have spent the day rolling around in bed covered in slick, but instead I spent the evening peeling potatoes while _you_ sit there and tell me that _I shouldn't be upset_."

Jared startled when Jensen mentioned the week. "Oh. I hadn't been keeping track." He hadn't, really; what was the point?

Jensen reared back like Jared had struck him, his eyes wide and wet. "Yeah, I guess it doesn't matter to you anymore, does it?" he asked, his voice breaking. "I'm unlikely to ever have another Heat, and even if I do nothing's going to come of it, so why do you need to think about it? Well, it's all I can think about." He got off the couch and left his plate on the coffee table before leaving the room. 

Once he was safely upstairs, Jensen locked the bedroom door and slid down it to sit on the carpet, his face in his hands as he sobbed.

***

Jared was left sitting on the couch, stunned. He really hadn't thought... Well, he hadn't thought. Hadn't stopped to think about how much _worse_ this was for Jensen; it wasn't easy for Jared, because he'd always had that promise of 'later,' but for Jensen... God, Jared was the worst husband ever.

He got up and cleaned up the living room and kitchen, figuring Jensen wouldn't come back down, and when he was done, he hesitated at the foot of the stairs, debating whether he should go up there and risk shoving his foot in his mouth yet again or not. Eventually, he decided it would be better to give Jensen space and time to calm down; he'd talk to him later.

Jared grabbed a blanket and pillow from the hall closet and headed for the couch.

Jared spent a lot of time on the couch over the next few weeks. The fights they seemed to be constantly getting into weren't just his fault—Jensen was touchy and emotional, and was prone to take offence at the slightest thing Jared said—but he seemed to be the one taking the fallout for it. Not that sleeping in an empty bed that smelled of his absent Alpha wasn't torture for Jensen. Somehow it was worse when they managed to go to bed without fighting first, though. Jared stayed on one side of the bed and Jensen stayed on the other, and it was getting to the point where they didn't even stray closer together in their sleep anymore. Jensen didn't know what to do, but it felt like his marriage was slipping away from him. 

"Oh, come on!"

"I just don't think it's a good idea."

"I know you've been having a hard time of it lately," Chris said softly, and Jensen had to smile. Chris had no idea. "But you can't just stop living your life. It's just one night, and it's Misha's birthday. They got a sitter, for Christ's sake. That means alcohol, Jenny!"

Jensen sighed, rolling his eyes fondly. "Okay, I'll ask Jared. But if he says no, I'm not going."

Chris made a sound like he was offended Jensen thought this needed to be said. "Of course you're not," he laughed. "I wouldn't expect you to leave your Alpha right now. You need to stick together." 

Jensen hung up a minute later and spent a moment just looking at the phone. How did Chris, a Beta who would never experience the connection between an Alpha and an Omega, understand this better than they did? Jensen shook his head, clearing it, and went to find Jared. "The gang wants us out tomorrow night," he mumbled when he found his husband in the living room. He was sitting on top of the bedding laid out on the sofa; there just hadn't been a need to put it away lately. "Misha's birthday."

Jared looked up from the television, pausing it as Jensen spoke. It felt like listening to a near-stranger, after these past weeks. Ever since the diagnosis and that first fight, Jared had felt the distance growing between them, and it hadn't escaped his notice how little they touched now when, before, neither one of them could more than five minutes without touching the other if they were near.

He focused on Jensen's words, though, mustering a smile that didn't quite feel genuine. "It's his birthday already? Damn." The days had all started to blend together for Jared. "Yeah, I don't have anything planned, so if you want to, we can go."

Jensen nodded, shifting his weight so he could lean against the door frame. "Okay. We should probably get him a card or something," he mused. "Tell Chad that if he opens his mouth again I'm going to punch him."

That got a genuine laugh from Jared, surprising them both. "Yeah, I'll make sure he knows," he grinned. "We can pick up a card on the way?" he suggested.

"Sure," Jensen agreed easily, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He hesitated in the doorway for another second before moving into the living room and sitting down beside Jared, pulling his feet up beneath him so that their knees brushed. "So what are you watching?"

Jared looked at Jensen in surprise, but then offered Jensen a smile. " _Law & Order._ WGN just started a rerun of the entire series."

Jensen's eyes widened in interest and he turned his attention to the TV, willing Jared to not make a big deal out of this. He missed his husband, but more than that, Chris had reminded him how much the Omega in him needed his Alpha. 

Jared didn't make a big deal out of it; his Alpha needed its Omega just as much as Jensen's Omega needed its Alpha.

***

They managed to pick up a card together the next night on their way to the bar, and Jared smiled at their friends as they entered. "Want me to get you a drink?"

"Please," Jensen answered. He would need alcohol if he was going to face their friends tonight. He took the card from Jared and nudged him toward the bar before approaching the table. "Hey guys, how's it going?"

Jared came back with a couple of beers just as Chad was saying, "We're having a baby."

"Chad!" Sophia hissed, looking at Jensen apologetically. "I'm sorry, we just got the official results, not the home pregnancy test, and he's more than a bit excited."

Jensen shook his head, smiling softly at the couple even as his insides turned to ice. "No, don't apologies. That's great, I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks," Chad cut in. "It's awesome, really; we've wanted kids for a while. Just figured you two would be the next to get 'em; I mean, you are an Alpha-Omega pair. Beta-Alphas rarely get pregnant without serious help."

Jared glared at Chad. "Thank you for that awesome rundown on basic biology," he growled. "Really appreciate the reminder that I can't get my husband pregnant."

"And I really appreciate the way you just worded that," Jensen muttered, rolling his eyes as he reached for his beer. "Like it's you who's deficient."

Jared switched his gaze to Jensen, frowning slightly. "Well, I mean, it's both of us. Not like I'm gonna go find another Omega."

Jensen's jaw dropped. "Where did that come from?" he demanded. The concept of Jared leaving him for a new Omega had never even entered his head. "Have you thought about finding someone else?"

"What? No! Jesus, Jen, what is _with_ you, lately? First the irritation, and now paranoia; it's not like you." Jared frowned at his husband, vaguely aware that the rest of their friends were watching them warily.

Jensen snarled. "It's not like _you_ to act like the fact that I can't get pregnant is a personal injury," he snapped. "Ever since we found out, you've been keeping your distance, acting like nothing's wrong, like this is my issue to deal with instead of yours. But now you're telling Chad not to remind you that you can't get me pregnant, like it's your body that doesn't work?"

"You told me to give you space!" Jared protested, his own voice lowering to a growl. "Why else would I stay away from my Omega?"

"I asked for _time_ ," Jensen hissed back. "I didn't ask for you to stop caring. I didn't ask for you to act like I don't mean shit because I can't give you what you want."

Jared opened his mouth to reply, but Sebastian grabbed his arm. "You two need to sort this out at home," he said firmly, looking at his husband. "Can you put it aside for tonight, or do you need to leave?"

Jared swallowed, shooting Misha an apologetic glance before looking at Jensen. "We can put it aside?" he said tentatively.

Jensen sighed. "Yeah, we can put it aside," he muttered. "Sorry, Misha." He stood up and walked over to Chris, who opened his arms so that Jensen could sit on his lap. As much as his Omega was aching for its Alpha, Jensen didn't want to be near Jared just then.

Jared felt the ache in his chest get worse as his husband—his Omega—sought comfort from another man, but he didn't say anything. He didn't have the right to.

The rest of the night passed more than a bit slowly for Jared, but everyone else seemed to be having a decent enough time. He couldn't believe he and Jensen had had that argument in front of their friends, and in public. Bitterly, Jared thought that showed just how low their marriage had sunk—they didn't touch, they didn't communicate, they just happened to be living in the same house. Strangers with history.

By the time they got home, Jensen was exhausted. Chris had been great all night, soothing him just enough that he hadn't been a visible wreck at the table, but he wasn't Jared, and Jared was exactly what Jensen needed. Unfortunately, as soon as they got into the house Jared made a beeline for the sofa, leaving Jensen to go upstairs alone. He cried when he crawled into bed and realized that it didn't even smell like his Alpha anymore.

***

Things got steadily worse after that. Jared was sleeping on the couch every night, because every day, they had a new argument. It took two months for Jared to start thinking maybe they couldn't work past this, not when they couldn't say five sentences to each other without sparking another fight. It took another month for him to be on the verge of telling Jensen he was leaving.

The worst thing was, Jared still loved Jensen. He loved him so much it hurt, but he couldn't seem to say or do anything right. Jared wasn't even sure Jensen loved him anymore, and why should he? Jared was the reason Jensen couldn't have the one thing he'd wanted most in the world.

***

[Jared sighed, looking at Jensen. He'd formally announced his intention to court the Omega, and now they were negotiating the various aspects of a courting, but they'd hit a snag: the issue of suppressants. "I think we should stay on them for a while, even after we get married."

"What?" Jensen asked, his eyes wide. "You don't want kids?" He'd been told by several Omegas that there was nothing quite like being a mom; children were something he'd always wanted. 

"Not for a while, anyway," Jared said. "Yeah, I'd like kids eventually, but for now, I just want to focus on us, and our jobs, you know? Then once we're in a better position, we can talk about it again." He'd like to have kids, but he wanted to make sure they were in a good position, financially, to raise them, but unless a miracle happened, that wouldn't be for another several years.

Jensen bit his lip. "I don't know, Jared," he said slowly. "Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Get married, share a Heat, have babies? I—I want babies. Not a house full but at least one or two."

"There's no law saying we need to have children right away," Jared reasoned. "And like I said, it's not forever. I do want kids, but later. I want to be able to actually have a semblance of an idea of what I'm doing when we become parents, y'know? For me, that means better finances, better housing, better everything, and more experience."

Jensen sighed, his eyes searching Jared's face. He really liked Jared, and knew that he could love him; they were almost definitely going to marry once the obligatory courting period was over. How stupid would it be to give up someone as amazing as Jared just because he didn't want to have kids right away? "Alright," Jensen said after a moment. "We can wait. Just promise me that we won't wait forever." He smiled, soft and wistful. "I really want to be a mom."

Jared grinned, reaching over to squeeze Jensen's hand affectionately. "Not forever," he promised.]

But it had turned into forever. First, it was until after they were married, then better housing, better jobs, and then, when they were finally ready, the diagnosis. And now, it felt like their marriage was falling apart.

Jensen could feel it too, and it scared the shit out of him. He loved Jared so much; he had no idea how things had gotten so bad. Well, that was kind of a lie. Jensen was a mess, still grieving for the children he would never have, and Jared... Jensen didn't really know what was going on with Jared. He knew that Jared was just as upset about the diagnosis as Jensen, despite the fact that he refused to show it for whatever stupid reason; for all of the arguments they'd been having, Jared hadn't let them return to the one they'd started while they were out for Misha's birthday. But that was all he knew. Their lack of communication was destroying their marriage, and quite frankly, Jensen was done with it.

He got out of bed one morning, the bed that smelled like a lonely, bereft Omega and nothing else, and marched straight down the stairs with the intentions of pinning Jared down wherever he was and making him listen. Hopefully, once he got all of his cards on the table, Jared would do the same, and then they could start working on getting back on track. So determined was Jensen to set things right, he almost missed them—but really, the bright red suitcases they'd taken on holiday with them a few years ago had been purchased because they were impossible to overlook. Jared may or may not have had a phobia of losing luggage at the airport. None of that mattered just now, though, because the suitcases were stacked up beside the front door, and Jensen knew that they definitely hadn't booked a holiday. 

"Jared?" he called, wandering through the house until he found his husband in the kitchen. "Jared, what's going on? Why are the suitcases out there?" Jensen had a terrible feeling that he already knew the answer.

Jared turned from where he'd been fixing a sandwich, getting ready to talk to Jensen; this might actually be better, if any version of this situation could be 'better.'

The Alpha sighed, searching for words. "We're not... working. We're not us anymore, Jensen, not since we went to the doctor's and learned you have PHSS. I don't know what's been going on with us, but we're not getting better. We're always snapping at each other, we've barely touched in months, and we haven't slept together in longer than that. I just... I feel like I don't know you anymore."

"So you're leaving me?" Jensen asked, stricken. His voice was barely more than a whisper, and his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. Jared couldn't leave, not now. "I know I've been awful lately, but I'm sorry. It's just so hard to remember that you're hurting, too. But I'm trying, Jay. I'm gonna try harder. I can live without kids if you can."

Jared shook his head. "Jen, we don't make each other happy anymore," he said softly, his voice sad. It was uncommon for an Alpha-Omega pair to separate because of how much more they tended to bond than any other pairing type, but it happened. "You deserve to be with someone who'll make you happy."

Jensen couldn't deny that he'd been miserable lately, but not because of Jared. At least, not directly. "You're my Alpha," he whispered, like that explained everything—and to Jensen, it did.

Jared let out a hollow laugh. "And look how well that's gone for us," he replied. "You can't have children, and we're essentially strangers living under the same roof." He swallowed, half-wishing he'd been able to convince himself to leave before Jensen came looking for him, so they wouldn't have had to do this face-to-face, but that was a coward's way of thinking. "Jen, this is for the best," he said gently, heading for the hallway and suitcases. "This way, you can have someone you won't fight with twenty-four/seven."

"Jared, wait!" Jensen hurried down the hall after him, his vision clouded by tears. "Please don't go. I can make you happy, I know I can. Please."

Jared's throat clogged with tears, but he forced his voice to work anyway. "Jen, don't. The only reason you're trying is because you're an Omega, and I'm the Alpha you bonded to. But we don't work anymore, Jensen. I'm sorry."

With that, he picked up the suitcases and walked out the door.

***

Jensen didn't feel it when he hit the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, and he certainly didn't remember calling Chris, but either a few minutes or a few hours later the Beta was there, pulling Jensen up and into his arms. "Christ, Jen, what happened? Where's Jared?"

Apparently Jensen's phone call hadn't been too coherent, if he'd made one at all. Chris had known Jensen for a long time; sometimes he just knew when something was wrong. "He—he's gone," Jensen sobbed. "He left, he said I wasn't, wasn't making him h—happy and he _left me_ and I don't—I don't know what to do. Chris. Chris, he's gone."

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, Chris holding Jensen while he cried it out, and somewhere in the middle of it all Jensen realized something. He'd driven Jared away. He'd been an absolute dick over the past few months, and yes, he'd been dealing with some pretty devastating news, but so had Jared. The problem with that was that Jared seemed to think the best way to deal was to pull away, and Jensen, after so many years of depending on him, didn't know how to be sad when Jared wasn't there to make him feel better. They'd each been punishing the other for not being what they needed, which had only resulted in them pushing each other away. And it was all Jensen's fault. Jensen, who couldn't give Jared the children he wanted; Jensen, who had internalized his pain like he was the only one who felt it; Jensen, who had failed Jared so completely that he'd walked out on their marriage. Jared probably didn't even love him anymore.

***

Jared was absolutely miserable. He'd been living in an apartment on the other side of town for the past month and a half, going to his job, and coming home to the place that didn't smell like Jensen, and barely smelt like him. He fell asleep each night without the cold comfort of knowing Jensen was safe just upstairs, and woke up to an empty apartment.

He came home from work one day, and realized that yeah, they hadn't exactly made each other happy—but neither had they tried, not for a while. Jared worried his lip as he started gathering his things together, getting ready to go crawling back to Jensen—literally, if he had to. He was almost finished when he realized his phone was buzzing on the kitchen table, telling him he had a voicemail. He frowned when he saw it was from Chris, but opened it anyway.

"Alright, you knothead. I haven't done this because Jensen asked me not to, and because there aren't any words colorful enough to describe what a fucking asshole I think you are for doing this to him. He's worse than he was when he found out about the PHSS, Jared. He's practically a fucking zombie. Except for right now. Which is why I'm calling." A crackle of static as Chris took a deep breath. "He's in Heat. And I don't mean the 'awkward, slightly uncomfortable but still fully-functioning' Heats he was having before the diagnosis. He fucking reeks, and you don't want to know what I just walked in on him doing to himself. _Ugh_. Anyway, he was too stubborn to say yes when I offered to call you a few hours ago, but it's gotten stronger since then; he needs you. He's crying for you. So you'd better get your good-for-nothing Alpha ass here right now, or God help me, I'll—"

Jared stared at his phone in shock, glad that the time had run out; he didn't want to know what Chris was planning. But Jensen? In Heat? That was... That shouldn't be possible.

But obviously it was; Chris wouldn't lie about something like this. Jared crammed his phone back into his pocket before grabbing his keys and running for the car, not bothering with his bags. His Omega needed him.

Chris met Jared at the front door, and for all that he was only a Beta, his presence screamed Alpha. The whole house may have been saturated with the sickly-sweet scent of a needy Omega, but no way was he letting Jared in without so much as a word. He'd lost his right to that when he'd left nearly two months ago. "If you're planning on fucking him through this and leaving again," Chris snarled, poking Jared in the chest, "you can fuck right off. Jensen's like a brother to me, and he _smells_ like one, but I'd rather help him myself than let you do that to him."

Jared shook his head frantically. "I'm not, I swear. I was coming back, coming to see if he'd take me back," he protested. "Chris, I love him. I shouldn't have left, that was stupid, but if he'll have me, I'll stay, I swear."

Chris searched Jared's face for any sign of insincerity, but stepped aside when he found none. "Then go get your man," he instructed, grabbing his coat from the hook by the door. "I'm getting out of here. He fucking stinks."

Jared wanted to disagree, but he was too focused on locking down the house, distracting Harley and Sadie, and getting upstairs to worry about it.

He approached the bedroom door, knocking cautiously on the ajar door before pushing it open. "Jen? Jen, sweetheart, I'm h-here." He'd almost said 'home,' but this wasn't home, not anymore, and wouldn't be until Jensen took him back.

Jensen had been so wrong. Heats as an adult were not weaker; if anything, they were stronger. The sheets around him were drenched in sweat and slick, as were the clothes he'd slept in that he'd had to shed as soon as he woke up. The dildo he and Jared played with sometimes was at the foot of the bed, having been discarded when it failed to satisfy him, and was now too far away for Jensen to even contemplate reaching. He was so desperate he was almost delirious, and it was probably a good thing that Chris hadn't come in again since he'd offered to call Jared a few hours ago because Jensen would not have been able to say no.

As it was, Jensen sobbed when he heard the bedroom door open, by now perfectly prepared to beg for Chris to find Jared, but he didn't need to. Suddenly all Jensen could smell was his Alpha, overwhelming even his own scent, and he whined, spreading his legs obscenely. "Please," he begged, already instinctively raising his hips. "Please, Alpha..."

Jared shut the door behind him, shucking his clothes as he walked toward the bed. "Shh, Jen, I've got you," he murmured, running one hand up Jensen's chest and over his shoulder to grasp the back of his neck. "Roll over," he ordered. He wanted to take his time, but he couldn't, not now.

Jensen went lax at the firm grip on the back of his neck, but he managed to do as Jared asked, rolling onto his stomach. He tried to raise himself up on his hands and knees, to present himself properly for his Alpha, but he was shaking too hard and his arms refused to support him. He fell back onto the bed with a sob. "Sorry, m'sorry, God, please."

Jared draped himself over Jensen's back, reaching down to make sure Jensen was open, and this time, he was. He was open, and slick, so much more than the last Heat they'd shared. "I've got you," he repeated, wasting no time in lining up and sliding inside in one long, slow thrust, making sure they wouldn't have a repeat of last time. "C'mon, Jen, let's get you knotted."

Jensen groaned, long and low, as Jared filled him. Nothing had ever felt so good, but even this did nothing to soothe the desire burning through him. Soon he was scrabbling at the sheets, pushing back, meeting the Alpha's thrusts as best he could. "Oh God, oh God, yes, Jared, fuck," he panted desperately. "Please, I need it, need it so bad, oh my God."

Jared was close to knotting now, and he shifted slightly, getting a better stance as he reached underneath Jensen with one hand, his fist forming a loose ring around Jensen's cock, Jared's thrusts enough to move I through Jared's hand. "C'mon, Jen," he growled, biting down on Jensen's shoulder instinctively.

Jensen couldn't even think about holding back; straight from Alpha to Omega, the bite claimed, warned, commanded. He came with a scream, harder than he ever had before, jerking beneath Jared as he shot all over his hand and the bed beneath them. It barely even registered when he collapsed back down into the mess, utterly spent save for the aftershocks already coursing through him. All he needed now was Jared's knot, and he would be in heaven.

Jared had never knotted with this much intensity behind it; in the back of his mind, he knew it had to do with Jensen's heat, but all he knew now was the clench of his husband's hole around his cock, his knot swelling and locking them together, and his own release, leaving him accompanied by a low roar.

In the aftermath, Jensen's Heat eased a little. Desperate need no longer consumed him, but rather simmered just under his skin, waiting to consume him again at any moment. For now, though, the Heat was sated by Jared's knot, and Jensen was exhausted. "Don't go," he slurred, reaching back to palm at Jared's hip. "When we untie. Please don't leave. S'not over yet. I jus' need to..." Jensen's eyes slipped closed, his breathing evening out, and within seconds he was fast asleep.

Jared's heart clenched at Jensen's words, and he held his husband tighter. "I'm not leaving," he murmured, even though Jensen was already asleep. "Not ever again."

***

They spent the next three days fucking almost non-stop, Jensen left whimpering and moaning whenever Jared pulled himself away long enough to find food and check on the dogs. He was barely lucid except for when they were knotted, and if he didn't spend that time eating whatever Jared forced down his throat, he spent it sleeping, so they didn't have much chance to talk until the morning after the Heat ended. It dawned bright and sunny, light filtering in through the curtains and landing across their faces, and maybe it had been like that every morning, but Jensen hadn't exactly been in a position to notice lately. Still, Jensen didn't wake with a smile on his lips. Now that the Heat was gone and his mind was clear, the anxiety that Jared would leave again was quickly creeping in.

"Jared?" Jensen murmured, rolling over to face the Alpha and find that he was already awake. He exhaled a soft breath and smiled tentatively, waiting for Jared to speak.

"I'm sorry," were the first words out of Jared's mouth as soon as Jensen was awake. "I shouldn't have left."

"Why did you come back?" Jensen asked, not missing a beat. "Because Chris told you about the Heat?"

"Because I realized what an idiot I was being. I was already packing to come back and beg you to forgive me when he called," Jared answered, willing Jensen to believe him.

Jensen shook his head, unconvinced. "You said you didn't want me," he whispered. "You said you didn't know me. Why would you change your mind if you didn't know I was in Heat?"

Jared sighed. "I was stupid, upset, and I wasn't thinking right. I do know you, and I do want you. I know I said we didn't make each other happy—but we hadn't exactly been trying to, not since the diagnosis." He bit his lower lip, chewing on it briefly before looking back at Jensen. "I want to try—to try to get our marriage back."

"I want to try, too," Jensen murmured. "I might need some time—and I mean _time_ ; I've had too much space lately—but I love you. I don't want you to go away again."

Jared nodded, tentatively reaching for Jensen; ironic, considering they'd spent the better part of a week fucking like rabbits. "I won't; I don't want to leave, either. I love you."

Jensen pressed himself against Jared, burrowing into his hold as though he just couldn't get close enough. "We should probably shower," he mumbled once he had his face hidden in the crook of Jared's shoulder, and it was true; they were both filthy, covered in dried sweat and slick and come. "But not yet. Not yet."

Jared just nodded, reveling in the feeling of holding his husband for the first time in months. He'd not thought that Jensen would take him back, not without making him seriously work for it. He was glad to be here, though, and so fucking grateful to Jensen for giving him this second chance. "'M not leaving again," he swore softly, now that Jensen was awake to hear it. "Never again."

***

There was something different about Jensen.

Jared had started noticing it the day after Jensen's miraculous heat ended, but he hadn't put much stock in it; they'd both changed in the months they'd spent alienating themselves from each other. They spent every spare moment together, sometimes just silently curled up together on the couch or bed, sometimes watching TV or talking quietly, working on repairing the damage the month and a half apart had done to their relationship.

It wasn't until almost a week after Jensen's Heat that Jared realized that Jensen _smelled_ different. He smelled... richer. But that could just be from the vegetables Jensen was currently chopping for stir fry. Frowning slightly in concentration, Jared approached Jensen from behind, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his nose in the crook of Jensen's neck, inhaling deeply. "You smell different," he mumbled. "Can't put my finger on it, though."

Jensen hummed pleasantly, leaning back against Jared's chest. "My aftershave, maybe," he suggested. "I ran out, so I thought I'd give the bottle Chad bought you for Christmas a try. Does it not smell good?"

Jared hummed thoughtfully. "It does," he admitted, dropping a kiss to Jensen's temple. "But that's not what I'm—" He stopped, mouth open, as he remembered— _"Well? "Do I smell different? Are we going to be parents?"_

"Jen," he said, voice strangled. "I think..." But what if he was wrong? What if his instincts were wrong?

"What?" Jensen asked, turning in Jared's arms to frown up at him, concerned. "What is it?"

Jared took a deep breath before saying hesitantly, "I think you might be pregnant."

Jensen's mouth dropped open. " _What_?" he demanded, squirming out of Jared's hold. "No, no, I can't be. The doctor said I can't get pregnant. Don't say that to me, Jared, please."

"I wouldn't, Jen, not if I wasn't mostly sure," Jared said, reaching out to Jensen but not touching him yet. "He didn't say it was impossible for you to have a full Heat, he said it was extremely unlikely, and you still had one." He worried his lower lip anxiously. "Trust me, Jen, I wouldn't say anything if I didn't believe there was a really good chance it's true."

All of a sudden, Jensen felt very close to tears. He fell back against the worktop, one hand gripping the edge while the other went tentatively to his stomach. "Please," he whispered without really knowing what he was asking for. "I can't go through that again."

Jared stepped forward, reaching out to frame Jensen's face in his hands, looking at him intently. "I know, sweetheart, I know. Do you want me to get some home pregnancy tests? Or do you want the doctor? We... We need to be sure, Jen."

Jensen leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. "Go buy a test," he said after a moment. "Or five. Then we can go to the doctor."

Jared nodded, ducking down to kiss Jensen gently. "I'll be back in a few, okay? The CVS down the street should still be open."

"Okay," Jensen whispered, and pulled Jared into another kiss because he couldn't decide whether to tell him to hurry or to take his time. "I love you."

Jared nodded. "I love you, too."

He ended up buying seven pregnancy tests, fielding a knowing look from the cashier when he didn't even bother trying to buy anything else, and hurried home. "Okay, got them," he said, walking into the kitchen to see Jensen still standing where he'd left him. He handed his husband the tests. "Here's hoping," he said, smiling tentatively; he had a feeling this was the point of no return for them, and he really hoped, no matter the outcome of the pregnancy tests, that this time they could make it.

"Thank you," Jensen murmured as he took the bag from Jared and moved to leave the room. "I'm just gonna—I need some privacy." It wasn't really that he didn't want Jared watching him pee on a bunch of sticks, but rather that he didn't want Jared to see the way his hand shook as he held them, or the way his breathing became shallow and fast as he fought against the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. That would be far more embarrassing than Jared just seeing him take the tests. 

Jensen managed to take three of the tests all at once. If they came back positive—and he was barely able to entertain that thought—then the others could go towards easing his fear while they waited for an appointment with Dr. Welling. He returned to the kitchen a few minutes later on shaky legs; the tests were on the side of the sink, each sitting on their own little wedge of toilet paper. 

"I couldn't look," he confessed to Jared, unable to meet his gaze. "I just—I couldn't. Will you?"

Jared nodded, squeezing Jensen's hand reassuringly before walking to the bathroom. He left the door open, and took a deep breath before looking at the sticks.

He came back out and walked over to Jensen, kissing him soundly. "They're positive. All three."

"Oh," Jensen breathed, his mouth slack when Jared kissed him again. " _Oh_." And then he was laughing, looping an arm around Jared's neck to crash their lips together. By the time they broke apart there were tears on Jensen's face and he pressed his cheek to Jared's. "Please tell me there's no such thing as a false positive. I really want to have a baby with you."

Jared shook his head. "No such thing," he promised. "It's true, Jen. It's real." He grinned as he kissed Jensen again before burying his face in the crook of his husband's neck. "We're pregnant."

Jensen started to cry for real then, sobbing his relief and his happiness into Jared's throat. "Oh, my God, we're pregnant," he choked out. " _I'm_ pregnant, Jared, oh my _God_. Fuck, I love you so much."

Jared smiled, tears of joy leaving his own eyes. "Oh my god, I love you, too, Jen, so much." They were going to have a _child_. "Oh God."

***

"Well, you two have got to be the luckiest pairing in the history of medicine," Dr. Welling said with a smile, looking up from the papers attached to his clipboard. "The tests are positive—You're expecting."

Jensen beamed, and reached out to take Jared's hand. His other one was where it had been for the past week: resting against his abdomen. "You have no idea how lucky," he told Dr. Welling, and it was true. Jensen's sudden and unexpected fertility aside, he and Jared were goddamn lucky to even be in the same room right now. If Chris hadn't interfered and called Jared, there wouldn't even be a baby.

Dr. Welling smiled. "Well, at this point, your hormones are almost normal, with your omestron still lower than normal—However, omestron only concerns Heats, not the fetus. The hormones that help keep the fetus healthy are all at perfectly normal levels, but I'll want to keep doing tests to monitor them periodically through the pregnancy. Right now, the baby is only about two weeks old; in another six weeks or so, we'll schedule an ultrasound in order to determine how we'll handle the rest of the pregnancy."

Jared nodded, squeezing Jensen's hand with a smile. "That sounds good to me," he said.

It sounded good to Jensen too, but still, he had to ask. "Is it okay to get our hopes up, Doc? It's a miracle that this baby was conceived—will it need another one to be born?"

Dr. Welling hummed thoughtfully, consulting the papers. "As I said, at this stage, everything is within normal range; I would say that for all that the conception was miraculous, the delivery should be mundane."

A tide of happiness rose up inside Jensen, and before he knew it he was across the room, hugging Dr. Welling. "Thank you so much," he laughed, suddenly on cloud nine. "You don't know what this means to me; to us."

Dr. Welling let out a surprised laugh. "I think I have some idea," he chuckled, hugging Jensen back briefly before releasing him. "Truly, I'm very happy for you two—and you should be, too. You're the lucky ones."

Jared nodded, grinning at Jensen. "Yes, we really, really are."

***

The first thing Jensen did when they got home was call their friends. Misha screamed down the phone so loud that his youngest child started crying, and then he had to pass Jensen off to Sebastian while he dealt with it. Sebastian sounded just as happy, but was thankfully quieter about it. Sophia was over the moon, and Chad was pleased too, even if Jensen thought he sounded a little put out that his own baby thunder had been stolen. Chris was quiet for a few seconds before hanging up the phone. 

Jensen had approximately three minutes to panic before their front door was thrown open and he was being snatched up in the tightest hug known to man. "Careful, careful! Pregnant Omega, fragile!" Jensen squeaked, but he was laughing when Chris gasped out an apology and put him back on the floor.

"Shit, Jen," Chris groaned when things were a little calmer. "I knew something was going on, I thought maybe this asshole had walked out again, so I was already on my way over. Gotta tell you, this is the best news I've heard in a long time. What did your mom say?"

Jensen blanched. He hadn't even told his parents about the PHSS; doing so would have felt too much like admitting failure. "Umm, I haven't called her yet," he admitted, looking behind himself for Jared. "I thought we'd wait for a bit, y'know, until things are a little more... certain." Whatever Dr. Welling had said, there was no way he was getting his mom all excited over this if there was even the slightest chance he might lose the baby.

Jared poked his head out of the kitchen, where he'd been feeding the dogs. "I haven't told my folks, either," he said, stepping up beside Jensen. He hadn't told them any of it; the diagnosis, him walking out (He still flinched whenever he thought about how he'd actually been dumb enough to think _leaving_ was the answer to their problems.), and now, the pregnancy. "I'm waiting, too; if I don't, Mom and Meg will just come over and bug us for details we don't have yet."

Chris looked like he didn't agree, but he understood. "Yeah, Mack'll do the same," he chuckled. 

Jensen smiled and slipped an arm around Jared's waist. "We'll tell them when we're ready. I think we just need to let it sink in for a little while."

Jared returned the gesture, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, definitely. It's still new, y'know?"

"I get it," Chris assured them. "I'm happy for you both. You're gonna make amazing parents."

Jensen grinned. "I hope so."

***

"This ultrasound is mostly to determine your due date and make sure there's nothing wrong with the baby at this stage in the pregnancy," Dr. Rosenbaum explained. He'd been referred by Dr. Welling as a specialist in Omega pregnancies. "We'll also be able to determine how many fetuses are in your womb."

"There's a possibility of more than one?" Jared asked, surprised.

Dr. Rosenbaum nodded. "Unlikely, yes, but not impossible."

Jensen shook his head, smiling softly. He was lying on a hospital bed with crinkly blue paper beneath him, his stomach exposed and covered in really cold gel. "With all due respect, doctor," he said casually. "I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant at all. I highly doubt I've managed to get pregnant with more than one baby."

Dr. Rosenbaum chuckled. "You'd be surprised," he said, grinning as he grabbed the wand. Jared held Jensen's hand as the doctor started moving the wand over Jensen's abdomen, humming thoughtfully to himself.

The humming stopped with a surprised noise. "Hm."

Jensen's whole body tensed up, and he felt himself go cold all over. "What is it?" he demanded. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Rosenbaum hastened to reassure the panicking couple. "In fact, everything's fine—for both babies."

Jared gaped at the doctor. "' _Both_ babies'?" he echoed.

Jensen instinctively squeezed Jared's hand, gaping disbelievingly at Dr. Rosenbaum. " _Twins_?" he breathed.

Dr. Rosenbaum smiled. "See here, and here? Two heartbeats—two babies. I don't see anymore, so you two are going to have twins."

"Twins," Jared breathed, looking at Jensen in awe. "Holy shit, babe, we're having twins."

Jensen turned to meet Jared's gaze with tears in his eyes. "Twins," he repeated softly. "Oh my God, Jay."

Jared let out a breathless laugh. "What about due date? You said you could determine that?"

Dr. Rosenbaum nodded, returning his gaze to the monitor. "I'll be able to give you a more precise date when we print these out and I can actually measure them instead of estimating, but as of right now it looks to be around the end of October for delivery, give or take a few days."

"Well, damn; looks like we won't get to go trick-or-treating this year, Jen," Jared laughed.

"Misha will be disappointed," Jensen chuckled. "For about a year. But then he'll realize that we'll be obliged to throw Halloween parties for the baby's birthday and he'll never leave us alone."

Jared groaned at the thought, but he was smiling again soon enough. "God, this makes it real," he murmured, eyes on the monitor. "We're really going to be parents."

"Hell yeah, we are," Jensen sighed, following Jared's gaze to smile fondly at the display that, he was fairly confident, showed their growing children. He was already completely in love with them.

***

The next four months passed rather uneventfully; Jensen only had mild morning sickness, and life was actually fairly settled, what with regularly scheduled doctor's appointments and Jared's job. In fact, the most eventful occurrences were the phone calls Jared and Jensen made to their family, and the ensuing discussion over how soon they could fly out to visit; eventually, Jared and Jensen managed to convince them to wait until closer to the due date.

Now, they were back in the ultrasound room, waiting anxiously for Dr. Rosenbaum to tell them whether or not he could determine the sex of the babies. "All right, it looks like one of them is going to cooperate," Dr. Rosenbaum said finally, stilling the wand. "This one is definitely a boy. Now, as they're twins, they could be either fraternal or identical. Identical twins are rarer than fraternals; identicals account for about three in every one thousand twin births. The uncooperative baby has a one-third chance of being female; fraternals can be the same gender, just like identicals. They just won't look as much alike."

"So it's a good chance for two boys?" Jared asked for clarification.

"Exactly. Now, looking at the placenta, it appears that you've got monochorionic diamniotic twins—that is, the babies share the outer layer and one inner layer of the membrane, but they have their own, second inner layer. Roughly two-thirds of identical twins are like this, and only about a third of fraternal. This raises the chances that you've got identicals." Dr. Rosenbaum studied the images on the monitor intently. "Unfortunately, because that other twin isn't cooperating with us, today, I can't tell you for certain. But I would hazard a guess that you're going to have identical twins." 

"That sounds awesome to me," Jensen said with a grin. "We can go home and start thinking about names."

Jared smiled, squeezing Jensen's hand. "Only four more months to go," he said, marveling slightly. They'd gotten the official due date several weeks ago—October 31.

They didn't spend much longer with the sonographer, heading home as soon as they left the hospital. Jared grinned when, as soon as they walked in the door, Harley and Sadie came scrambling around the corner, anxiously checking Jensen over.

"So, names?" Jared said, heading for the kitchen to help Jensen get dinner started.

"Tristan," Jensen answered immediately, shooing Sadie out of his way. It was ridiculous how protective the dogs had become recently, especially Harley, who had definitely favoured Jared until he'd realized Jensen was pregnant. "I've always loved your middle name."

Jared smiled, leaning over to kiss Jensen quickly. "And I've always loved yours. Tristan and Ross. What about middle names?" He rummaged through the fridge for the ham. "I think Ross Anderson would be good."

Jensen smirked. "Isn't Anderson a surname?" he asked, although he wasn't really complaining. A lot of people had said the same about his own name.

Jared rolled his eyes, flicking an errant crumb in Jensen's direction. "You got any other suggestions?" he challenged, his voice playful with a matching grin.

"Not for Ross," Jensen conceded. "But maybe Tristan Michael? I like that. Tristan Michael Padalecki."

Jared smiled as he emerged from the fridge with a hunk of ham and some thawed broccoli. "I do, too. Ross Anderson and Tristan Michael Padalecki. Too bad there's not a test to see if they're Alphas, Betas, or Omegas."

Jensen shrugged. "Do you care?" he asked. "I mean I guess there's a chance I could pass on my condition if we had an Omega, but other than that it doesn't matter to me."

Jared shook his head. "No, I don't really care, I just think it'd be nice to know."

"Well, we'll find out when they're born," Jensen said with a smile, leaning over to steal a kiss. "Stop being so impatient."

Jared grumbled under his breath, but kissed Jensen back. "I just want them here, y'know?"  he said, smiling as he started cubing the ham for soup.

"I know," Jensen murmured as he followed Jared's lead and started to cut up the broccoli. "But all in good time, Jare. We've got a long way to go before then."

Jared sighed. "Yeah, I know."

***

The next few weeks passed at a snail's pace, but Jensen didn't really mind. Despite Jared's eagerness to meet his children, Jensen was equally eager to appreciate every stage of the pregnancy. Which may explain why, at week 24, he was lying on their bed in nothing but a pair of boxers and staring at his bare stomach with avid fascination. "Jared!" he called. "Jared, get in here!"

Jared nearly faceplanted running up the stairs. "What? What's wrong?" he demanded, catching himself on the doorframe. "What is it?"

Jensen laughed, light and happy. Jared was such a dork sometimes. "Just stay there," he ordered. "Watch this." He picked up the slim black remote for the stereo Jared had bought so that they could play Mozart for the baby and balanced it on his swollen stomach. "Wait for it," he reiterated, holding a finger up to Jared. The room was silent and still for a whole three seconds, and then the remote jumped and slid back onto the bed. Jensen looked up at Jared, beaming. "Did you see that?!"

Jared stared in shock. "Oh my god," he breathed, walking toward the bed. "Holy sh-ap. That's amazing." He reached out to lay his hand on Jensen's stomach, holding his breath.

Jensen rolled his eyes—"'Holy shap'? Smooth, Jay."—but stopped speaking when Jared touched him. This time the reaction period was even shorter; no sooner had Jared's hand landed on Jensen's stomach than both parents were subjected to two sharp kicks, quite possibly one from each baby. "They know their daddy," Jensen laughed breathlessly. "They started doing it in the bath earlier, with a bar of soap. It's incredible, isn't it?"

Jared laughed, moving to sit next to Jensen on the bed. "It really is," he said, grinning. "It's amazing." He leaned over to press a kiss to Jensen's temple before moving to do the same to his husband's baby bump.

Jensen hummed as he felt the babies squirming inside of him. "I think they like the sound of your voice," he said thoughtfully. "They're only this active when you're close."

Jared smiled, pleased. "Well, who doesn't like the sound of my voice?" he teased, rubbing his palm over Jensen's stomach. "It's very soothing."

Jensen sighed and closed his eyes, letting himself relax back into the pillows. "Very soothing," he agreed absently. "Keep doing that. They like it. I like it."

Jared smiled, nuzzling Jensen's stomach. "Hey, babies," he murmured. "You two better behave yourselves now that Mommy and Daddy can feel you kicking, or Mommy will get you back for it when you're older."

"Damn straight," Jensen muttered, cracking an eye open to smirk down at Jared. "I'll leave you with Daddy for long periods of time, and he'll be so busy obsessing over how cute you are that he'll forget to feed you."

Jared stuck his tongue out. "Just you wait, we'll get twin Alphas—we'll always know when they're hungry."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Jensen asked fondly. "Two mini Padalecki Alphas."

"It'd be nice, when it wasn't Hell," Jared admitted. "I don't know how Mom made it through raising me."

Jensen laughed. "And you're wishing _two_ Alphas on us? That's great, Jared, thanks."

Jared rolled his eyes, smiling. "We can handle it," he said, sure. "Besides, you're gonna be the Mommy all the kids behave perfectly for."

Jensen groaned. "I don't want to be that Mommy," he complained. "I mean, I want the babies to behave for me, but I don't want to be an overbearing Mommy that they hate."

"Who said anything about them hating you? They're gonna love you so much they'll be terrified of disappointing you," Jared said, reaching for Jensen's hand with a soft smile.

"That's even worse," Jensen insisted, his eyes wide as he pulled his hand back. The babies grew restless at the whine in his voice, and one of them shoved a foot up behind his ribs. He ignored it. "What if that transfers on to bigger stuff than swearing in front of our parents? Stuff like life choices. Who they want to mate with or what college they go to or whether they go to college at all. They could never disappoint me, Jared."

"Hey, no, stop that," Jared said, moving to sit up so his neck wasn't twisted at an awkward angle. "That's not what I meant, and you know it." He laid one hand on Jensen's stomach and reached up to cup Jensen's cheek with the other. "They're going to love you so much they won't want to disappoint you, because they know that the only way they could would be by making bad choices. You're going to be an amazing mom, and they'll know that no matter what they choose to do with their lives, if they're happy, they're not disappointing you."

Jensen couldn't really argue with that, so he nodded, his eyes bright. "Okay," he whispered. "Okay. I love you."

Jared smiled. "I love you, too," he replied, leaning in to kiss Jensen softly. "C'mon, I think _Doctor Who_ is on."

Jensen's face lit up. "Ooh, okay. But just—one more time." He picked up the remote and put it on his stomach again, laughing with delight when one of the babies was quick to kick it off. "Okay, we can go."

Jared chuckled, climbing off of the bed to help Jensen up. "That's never going to get old."

Jensen smiled, smoothing a hand over the swell of his bump. "We'll have to make the most of it," he murmured.

***

Jared was hiding.

Okay, no, that was a lie. But he was definitely stalling.

With only a month to go in the pregnancy, Jensen's hormones were kicking in full force, and Jared had been bearing the brunt of it. He was currently making some snacks, praying that they would help calm Jensen down. He included some ibuprofen; the twins had been kicking the shit out of Jensen's internal organs lately. Jared carried the food and pills up to the bedroom, knocking softly before entering. "Hey, babe; feeling any better?"

Jensen was not feeling better. He was utterly miserable, and had been for weeks. The babies weren't letting him rest, and with his hormones so up the wall on top of that he was ridiculously prone to mood swings. When he'd retreated to bed, he'd been furious; when Jared came into the room, he was crying. "No," he whimpered pitifully, but he raised his head. "You brought me food?"

"Yep," Jared said, bringing the plate over. "Hot dogs, chips, and some fruit. Also brought some Gatorade." He sat down on the side of the bed, offering the plate to Jensen.

Tears welled up in Jensen's eyes. "You're so good to me," he sniffled, even as he reached for a chip and popped it into his mouth. "I don't deserve you."

Jared just smiled and shook his head. "Nah, I don't deserve you."

Jensen offered Jared a sweet, if somewhat watery smile and proceeded to dig into his food. Halfway through the second hot dog, though, he hesitated. "Do you think I'm fat?" he asked Jared abruptly.

Jared looked at Jensen questioningly. "No, you look good," he said. "Best I've ever seen you."

Jensen rolled his eyes, the weepiness quickly replaced by mild irritation. "So you find beached whales sexy now?" he sniped. "Seriously, I've gained so much weight."

Jared reached for his phone as it buzzed in his pocket. Swiping a finger across the screen, he brought up the new text message as he absently replied, "That's not the only thing you've gained, babe. Seems like you've developed a new alter ego as well."

Jensen gritted his teeth. "Well I'm awfully sorry that I've got a stomach full of _your_ children that are driving me round the bend, Jared," he snapped. "It isn't always a cake walk, y'know? I can't be happy as Larry all the time."

Jared looked up, frowning. "I know, Jen. It's just that sometimes you act like a complete stranger."

Jensen actually lost his tongue for a moment, staring at Jared like he couldn't believe what had just come out of his mouth. The words had been so similar to the ones Jared had spoken when he'd walked out, and they stung like hell. "Fuck you," Jensen hissed viciously. "Just—Fuck you, Jared."

Jared smacked himself in the forehead. "Sorry," he said shortly, getting to his feet. Jensen's hormones had apparently swung to the vaguely homicidal side of the pendulum, and anything Jared said would be taken as an offense. Sighing to himself, Jared walked out of the bedroom, heading for the bathroom to find some aspirin.

And just like that, Jensen's mood switched. Tears pooled in his eyes once again and his breathing quickened, becoming shallow and erratic. "Jared?" he gasped, setting his food aside and struggling to get out of bed. "Jared. _Jared_." It took him a few moments to successfully get himself upright, during which Jared did not return to the room or answer his calls, and Jensen waddled after him as quickly as he could. By the time he burst into the bathroom, his eyes were wild and he was on the verge of a panic attack. "Please. Please don't go away again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll be better, I'll try harder, I swear. I don't know what I'm saying half of the time but I'll—I'll stop. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me."

Jared, who'd had his head buried in the medicine cabinet looking for the bottle of aspirin, jerked around to face Jensen. "Jen, what—" _Oh._ It hit Jared then, just what his last comment had been; a near-replica of his little speech before he'd walked out on their marriage.

Jensen barely heard a word of that, but he clung to Jared, crying freely. "I'm sorry," he sobbed desperately. "I'm so sorry. I'm a terrible person and I've been treating you like shit _again_ and I don't even know _why_ , and I'm so fat now and I have stretchmarks all over and why would you even want to stay? But I need you to, please Jared, I won't survive it again, so please stay, I love you so much, please don't leave."

"I'm not, Jen, I'm not; I'm staying, I'm not leaving. I love you so much, I wouldn't survive it either," Jared murmured, holding Jensen tightly. "You're not a terrible person, you're amazing, I'm so lucky to have you."

Jensen felt his breathing begin to calm, but as exhausted as his panic had left him, he was still freaking out on the inside. "I'll be better," he repeated, sagging in Jared's arms. "Help me be better, Jared. Don't let me drive you away again."

"Hey, hey, shush," Jared murmured, supporting Jensen's weight easily. "You're not, Jen, I promise. Okay? We swore to each other we'd be there for each other for better or for worse, and I'm not breaking that vow. It's not your fault that you've been all over the place lately; I know it's just the hormones. You don't need to be better, you're already perfect." Jared placed a kiss to Jensen's temple. "C'mon, let's get to bed, okay? We'll spend some quality time together, just you, me, and our boxing champions in the making."

Jensen actually gave a needy whine at that suggestion, and he nodded against Jared's shoulder. "Okay," he whispered, stepping back so that they could actually walk. He snagged Jared's hand though, needing there to be some point of contact between them.

Jared squeezed his husband's hand reassuringly. Once they were in bed, Jared stripped them down to their boxers for maximum skin-on-skin contact, and climbed into bed behind Jensen, spooning up behind him and laying his hand over the baby bump. "I shouldn't have said that," Jared mumbled after a few moments. "That was stupid of me."

Jensen sighed and rested his hand over Jared's. Having his Alpha all around him like this was doing wonders for his nerves; he felt safe and loved, and finally able to relax. "You scared the shit out of me," he admitted softly. "But I deserved it. I was being a dick. I'm sorry."

"No, you didn't deserve it," Jared corrected gently. "You were being pregnant. There's a difference."

"I'm just so tired," Jensen whispered, closing his eyes. "They never stop kicking. And I don't even know what my emotions are doing anymore. I don't mean to snap at you though, I swear."

"I know, sweetheart," Jared murmured, stroking circles into Jensen's skin. "Try to get some sleep? Maybe they'll calm down a bit."

Jensen hummed, enjoying the soothing motion of Jared's hand over the baby bump. "They behave for you," he agreed, already slipping towards sleep. "Be here when I wake up?"

"Of course," Jared whispered, nuzzling the back of Jensen's neck. "I'm not going anywhere."

Pleased with that answer, Jensen let himself drift.

***

Jensen went into labor three and a half weeks later, on October 30, at 8:37 in the evening. Jared drove him to the hospital while their family members all came from their varying hotels. Dr. Rosenbaum was there waiting for them; Jared had called him before they left the house. Jared stayed by his husband's side all through the prepping and contractions, and now, at 7:30 on Halloween morning, Jensen had been told to push.

Jared never knew Jensen was this strong; it felt like he was crushing every bone in Jared's hand. "You've got this, Jen," he promised, squeezing Jensen's hand softly. "C'mon, let's bring our kids out."

Jensen did as he was told, pushing as hard as he could with the next contraction, and fell back onto the pillows cursing. "'Let's bring our kids out', he says. 'Let _us_ bring our kids out'!" He turned his head to glare at Jared, his face flushed and his breathing laboured. "You're not even doing anything! All you had to do was knock me up, and you're trying to take credit? _I_ am bringing our kids out, and if you think you're coming anywhere near me again, you can—you—" Jensen cut himself off with a scream as the next contraction hit, nurses and doctors and Jared telling him to push, but it wasn't getting him very far. He continued his tirade once the pain had receded again. "This is your fault! Your fucking _giant genes_ , fucking huge babies that don't want to come out! I'm going to kill you, Jared Padalecki, I'm going to cut your knot off with a _spork_!"

Jared winced at the threat, but he knew Jensen wasn't serious—his own mother had been so loud during Megan's birth that he'd been able to hear her all the way in the waiting room, and she'd threatened Jared's father with far worse than castration by spork. "Okay, okay, _you'll_ bring our babies into the world, Jen. God, I pity them if they ever piss you off, you're going to be so much scarier than me."

If it was possible, Jensen's face turned an even deeper red, and he continued to shout at Jared all the way through the next contraction. "I—will—be—an— _awesome_ — _mother_!" he yelled, and just to prove it, he pushed out the head of their first child.

"Oh, oh wow," Jared said, staring down at Jensen's spread legs. "Okay, yeah, that's—it's actually coming out of your—"

_I feel weird,_ was the last thing Jared remembered before he fainted.

"Oh, my _God_!" Jensen wailed. "And he calls himself an Alpha! Could someone please pick him up? Jesus Christ!"

Dr. Rosenbaum was busy, but one of the nurses managed to bring Jared back around in time for him to hear his first son draw breath, and to witness the second following fast on his twin's heels. The nurse helpfully wrapped a small bracelet around the eldest's wrist to distinguish him from his brother as Dr. Rosenbaum announced, "Twin Alphas! Congratulations!"

Jensen collapsed against the shitty hospital pillows, sweaty and exhausted and so happy. "Just like their dad," he panted, offering Jared a slightly dazed smile. "Let me see them. I wanna hold my boys."

The nurses handed the twins to Jensen, and Jared leaned closer to watch as the two slowly stopped crying, the eldest carrying on for a bit longer than his brother. "Oh my god," he breathed, reaching out to run the backs of his fingers down their cheeks. "They're here. They're really here."

"Yeah, no thanks to you, Mr. Unconscious," Jensen sniped, but he was still smiling. "Take one, and tell me his name."

Jared took the eldest, smiling as he saw Jensen's eyes staring up at him, almost too big for the infant's face. "Ross," he murmured. "Ross Anderson Padalecki."

Jensen sighed happily and nodded, his eyes on the baby cradled in his own arms. "Tristan Michael Padalecki," he whispered. "God, Jay, they're so beautiful."

The door to the delivery room was suddenly thrown open, and Jensen's gaze snapped up to see two women come storming in, followed by a harassed-looking nurse. "You wouldn't let us in during the birth, you're gonna let us in now," Donna Ackles was insisting. "We wanna see our grandsons." Both she and Sherri Padalecki stopped dead when they saw Jared and Jensen holding their fussy newborns; Donna promptly burst into tears.

Ross startled when Donna started crying, and then he let out a wail of his own, quickly followed by his brother; Jared could tell Tristan was going to be a sympathy crier. "Thanks, Donna," he muttered, humming and rocking Ross to try to get him settled.

Sherri moved forward hesitantly. "They're gorgeous, Jay," she murmured, not reaching to touch either child; it was important for newborns to bond to their parents for the first several hours of their lives.

Donna followed Sherri's lead, trying to stem the flow of tears. "I'm so proud of you," she told Jensen, smiling down into Tristan's face. "My son did that." She looked over at Sherri. "And yours. But mostly mine."

"Definitely me," Jensen agreed. "All he did was contribute his swimmers and faint before he could see his first son being born."

Jared flushed, but Sherri laughed. "Gerry did the same thing every time," she told Jensen, smiling. "He didn't last past the first push when I had Jeff."

Jensen grinned. "At least he stayed upright for Tristan," he said reasonably. "It'll give him something to come back with when he gets picked on for being the youngest."

"Tristan?" Donna asked interestedly, peering over at the baby in Jared's arms. "And who's this?"

"Ross," Jared answered, smiling at his son. "Ross Anderson and Tristan Michael."

Donna beamed. "That's perfect," she told them. "They're perfect."

"Yes, they are," Jensen agreed around a yawn. He gave his mother an apologetic look. "But I'm really tired, and Jared needs to hold his other son. Do you think you could..?"

"Get out of here and hold everyone else off for a few hours while Mommy gets some shut-eye?" Donna guessed. "I think we can handle that, Sherri."

Jared smiled gratefully when Sherri nodded. "Thanks," he said, switching the babies so that he was holding Tristan. "Go ahead and sleep," he told Jensen, kissing him softly. "After all your hard work, you deserve it."

"Damn straight," Jensen slurred, his eyes already closing. He was asleep before the door closed behind Donna and Sherri, a soft smile on his lips.

***

Jared blinked blearily as the baby monitor wailed from the bedside table. He sighed, wriggling out from under the covers, poking Jensen in the side. "C'mon," he murmured. Once Tristan got started, only Jensen could calm him down; he was definitely a momma's boy. Ross didn't appear to have a favorite, but that could always change.

"Yeah, yeah," Jensen grunted, rolling out of bed. Having twins was great, but it was also massively inconvenient; he and Jared couldn't take shifts throughout the night like normal parents because they couldn't calm both children alone. Even if Tristan did respond to Jared's soothing, Ross' screams would only set him off again. Together they stumbled across the hall into the nursery, and Jensen moved over to Tristan's crib, scooping him into his arms. The baby didn't even pause for breath; he just kept crying, his face an angry red and his little fists swinging. He was definitely an Alpha. "I know, I know," Jensen crooned, holding his son close. He turned to Jared, who was gently jiggling Ross. "This one's hungry; we're gonna go downstairs and make a bottle. Should we make two?"

Jared nodded, still bouncing Ross who was just beginning to calm down, at least long enough to draw breath. "Yeah, he's hungry, too."

Jensen nodded. "Okay, we'll be right back." He carried Tristan down the stairs, and just as he'd suspected, the baby stopped crying as soon as his brother's screams could no longer be heard. "You just like the attention, don't you, buddy?" Jensen teased, setting Tristan down in a moses basket while he made up the bottles. Tristan fussed and whined, but settled quickly enough, and cooed pleasantly when Jensen picked him back up to go upstairs. The calm didn't last for long; as soon as Tristan heard his brother, who was still crying, he joined in again. Jensen sighed and nudged open the door to the nursery. "Sympathy crier," he told Jared as he handed over a bottle. "Just like you said."

Jared chuckled weakly. "I hope either he outgrows it, or Ross never learns to take advantage of it," he muttered, flipping the bottle around to feed Ross. As soon as he spotted the bottle, Ross quieted, latching on and suckling greedily. Jared chuckled again. "Definitely an Alpha."

Jensen smiled over at Jared and Ross from where he was standing on the other side of the room, an equally greedy Tristan suckling on his own bottle. "At least we can shut them up fairly easily at the moment," he pointed out fondly. "They're going to give us so much trouble when they're older."

Jared groaned. "Don't remind me," he moaned, but there was a smile playing around the corners of his mouth. "Why did we want kids so badly, again?"

"Because we like being kept up all night looking after screaming infants or worrying about unruly teenagers," Jensen quipped, smirking. In his arms, Tristan spat out the bottle with a milky burble and sighed, clearly ready for sleep. Jensen set the bottle aside and moved over to the crib. "Please don't start crying. Please don't start crying." Miraculously, Tristan went down like a dream, and Jensen followed to press a soft kiss to his forehead. "Mommy loves you, sweet boy," he whispered, before straightening up and turning to Jared. "How's he doing?"

Jared looked down at Ross, who chose that moment to mimic his brother, letting go of the bottle and yawning with his whole body, waving his tiny fists as he stretched. "Ready to rest up so he can raise hell in the morning," Jared chuckled, bouncing Ross softly as he walked over to the crib and laid him down carefully. "Love you, little monster," he murmured, but he was smiling as he did so. He pressed his own kiss to Ross's head as the infant gurgled something and shifted, falling asleep quickly. He turned back to Jensen, smiling. "All right, let's see how much sleep we can clock before they wake up again."

Jensen yawned and took Jared's hand. "Sounds like a plan to me."


End file.
